


It's Called 'Grimmauld Place' for a Reason, Y'Know

by femmedefoi



Series: Wolfstar Challenge Prompts [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, But they're definitely soul-bonded, I won't say the boys are soul-bonded..., M/M, Remus Lupin is surprised, Sirius Black is in a rough spot, Sirius is not well, Walburga Black needs to stop, We end up fluffy so it's alright tho, We've got some angst here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-28
Updated: 2020-09-28
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:27:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26702914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/femmedefoi/pseuds/femmedefoi
Summary: For all the things that Remus expected as he was falling asleep, a shivering Sirius Black standing outside his window wasn't one of them.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wolfstar Challenge Prompts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1943122
Comments: 8
Kudos: 120





	It's Called 'Grimmauld Place' for a Reason, Y'Know

**Author's Note:**

> 11/29/2020 Update: My pal Andie'sAudio decided to make podfics out of a few of my fics, including this one! The link is [here](https://soundcloud.com/user-485145454/its-called-grimmauld-place-for-a-reason-yknow), check it out if you're into those!

Remus Lupin was almost asleep when he heard it—an uneven tapping at his window, barely audible. Grumbling, he got out of bed and approached the window frame.

“Who the _hell_ is sending me an owl at this hou—” the complaint died in his throat as he reached the glass. There, amidst the soft piles of snow and partially formed icicles, was a shivering Sirius Black. 

Sirius had always been slender, but standing outside Remus’ window, he looked too thin. As he continued his evaluation, Remus determined that Sirius looked a little “ _too_ ” everything—too thin, too cold, too defeated. He suddenly realized that he’d been staring soundlessly at his friend.

“Sirius? What are you doing here?”

Sirius looked up and Remus got a full view of his face. The bruises and lacerations were concerning, but Remus nearly stepped backward at the intensity of the fear and desperation in his friend’s eyes. 

“I didn—” Sirius paused and coughed for a moment before spitting what seemed to be a mouthful of blood into the snow. “I didn’t know where else to go”

Remus frowned. There was so much wrong with that admission. 

“Well get inside then, come on,” he said, opening the window properly and extending a hand out to his friend. Sirius took the offered hand gratefully and stumbled into Remus’ bedroom before losing his balance and sliding down the wall. Remus was at his side in seconds. 

“ _Jesus_ , Sirius, what the hell happened?”

Sirius sent a weak smile towards his friend before falling into another coughing fit. 

“How much do you know about Grimmauld place?”

Remus studied him curiously before shaking his head, likely deciding to focus on the more immediate concern. He squeezed Sirius’s knee gently and stood up. “Let’s take care of some of this, alright? I’m going to grab our medical kit, I’ll be right back.” 

Sirius nodded mutely, barely able to comprehend the words now that the adrenaline was wearing off. 

Remus walked to the door and halted. “You can have the bed...if you want it, I mean. You don’t have to—” Remus stumbled over the words before pausing and starting over. “The bed’s yours to sit on, if you’d like. I can’t imagine the floor is all that comfortable.”

Sirius nodded again, and Remus left. 

_I shouldn’t have come here I shouldn’t have come here I shouldn’t have come here I shouldn’t have come here I—_ Sirius’ thoughts were spinning aimlessly, and he wondered if it was because he was anxious or because he’d lost too much blood. _Must be the former_ , he thought as he stood up shakily. Deciding to move towards the bed, he quickly discovered how unsteady on his feet he was. He felt sticky and he turned around to see a patch of blood behind him on the wall, and a trail of droplets following his path. _Well, that’s not good_. He reached the head of Remus’ bed and raised his arm to grab the bedpost. A strange twinge came from his shoulder, and a belated “oh” left Sirius’ mouth before he collapsed to the floor.

* * *

Remus was more than a bit nervous when he left the room. Having a muggle nurse as his mother meant that the family’s medical kit was more expansive than most, especially once she insisted on Lyall adding wizarding essentials. After Remus’ accident, Hope Lupin spent months drowning in wizarding tomes, scouring for whatever information about lycanthropy, curses, and general healing she could find.. She’d guilted her husband into giving her remedial lessons in administering potions, because as she put it, _‘just because I can’t cast the spells doesn’t mean I can’t learn how to help my son!’_ Remus shook his head, trying to dismiss that memory. 

While his heart held a particular gratitude for his mother’s pursuit of knowledge, nearly all of it was accompanied by shame at the fact that _he_ was the reason she had to pursue it at all. Remus reached the kit, left in the hallway next the bathroom like it always was the day after the moon, and sighed. As he looked it over, he cringed at the telling bottles of dreamless sleep potion, skele-gro, blood-replenishing potion, and essence of dittany. He was rather hoping that Sirius wouldn’t notice the contents as he walked back to his room. As it was, he entered his bedroom and nearly dropped the case. 

Sirius wasn’t there. 

Remus put the case down and looked around frantically. There was blood on the wall where Sirius had been, and Remus rushed over to kneel by the spot he had left his friend. 

_“Ffycin uffern*,_ Sirius. You didn’t look this bad when you came in, where _are_ you?” Remus intoned anxiously. He stood quickly and turned around before darting back to his knees again when he saw Sirius laying on the floor next to his bed.

“Christ, Sirius, why didn’t you say anything?” Remus muttered as he ran his hand over his friend’s shoulder. It came back wet. Remus tore off Sirius’ black pajama shirt and swore profusely. A large portion of Sirius’ upper arm had been gouged out, and blood was weeping from the wound. 

“ _Shit,_ Sirius,” Remus began, “What am I supposed to do about that?”

Remus’ thoughts spun aimlessly as he tried to determine the best course of action. He could wake his mother, but...this needed more than a plaster or some antiseptic spray. His mind wandered through options and landed on the collection of books in their family’s library. _There had to be something in there, right?_ He ran down the stairs and ran a finger over the spines of books: _Practical Potions and How to Brew Them, Medical Maladies and Cures_ _—_ ah there it was. _A Healer’s Guide to Severe Magical Injuries._ Remus grabbed the book and rushed back up the stairs, throwing himself on the ground next to his friend and paging through the book furiously. Suddenly he stopped.

 _For egregious wounds resulting in excessive blood loss: Vita Redamēs; Vitalis (384)._ The spell sounded familiar, like something Madame Pomfrey had mentioned once in passing when Remus had extended a question about healing. Flipping to the page in question, Remus’ eyes widened. 

_**Vita Redamēs** (stylized, _ **_v.r._ ** _) For the healing properties of vita redamēs to be fully realized, the caster must exhibit an exceptional focus on the recipient. Historically, it has been shown most effective between two persons bound in love, whether familial or romantic._

Remus blanched. Sirius was lying prone on the floor, his face paling with every minute that Remus couldn’t find an answer. They may not be bonded, but what’s the worst that could happen if he tried, right? He read on.

_The casting requires three repetitions of the spoken spell, each serving a unique purpose in the healing process._

  * _During the first incantation, the caster must draw the line of their wand along the line of the wound to be healed. This iteration will slow blood flow and prevent exsanguination; it can be performed sufficiently by persons not included in the aforementioned bond._



  * _The second incantation is accompanied by a gentle forward motion of the caster’s wand towards the targeted wound. This iteration begins the cleaning and healing processes; while it can be performed by persons not included in a bond,_ ** _v.r_** _ **.** is often not as powerful in its manifestation of healing when this occurs. _



  * _The third incantation requires the caster to twist the base of their wand in a clockwise motion while using the tip to trace the wound from the uppermost portion to its base. This iteration knits the wound together, leaving a scar treatable with dittany or its essence; the spell can rarely be performed successfully by those not bound in love._



Remus breathed out a low whistle. Should he try it? He didn’t turn 17 for almost two months, but he wasn’t about to leave his friend bleeding on the floor. _Go big or go home, right?_ Focusing intensely on Sirius’ face, Remus began speaking the words of the spell. 

* * *

Sirius woke up in a bed that was decidedly not his. He opened his eyes slowly, expecting a wave of pain to meet him there, but was greeted with only a faint soreness. He ran a lazy hand over his face and was surprised to find no wounds. Someone had done a good job healing him. He looked around to figure out where he was and saw Remus pacing past the end of the bed. _Remus’ room, then._

Sirius’ eyes darted across the room to take it in. Two half-arranged bookshelves. Multiple mugs on the desk. Three separate blankets at the edge of the bed. Blood on the floor—wait, that wasn’t his. _Shit, yesterday was the full moon. I shouldn’t have come here._ He shifted in the bed, preparing to leave. Hearing the noise, Remus spun on his heel and sat on the side of the bed. He looked absolutely drained, and Sirius felt a pang of guilt course through him at the idea that Remus was taking care of _him_ the night after the full moon.

“Damn it, Sirius, what _happened_?” Remus stated tiredly, running a hand through his hair. 

“My mom and I don’t exactly get on.” Sirius began, before being cut off by Remus’ exasperated response. 

“No shit, Sirius, we all know that.”

Sirius shook his head plaintively. “No Remus, I mean… we really don’t get on.” 

At this, Sirius gestured at himself slowly.

The retort in Remus’ mind was shoved down almost immediately. 

“D’you mean—Your mum...Did that to you?”

Sirius looked away sheepishly. “Well, everything but the splinching, I suppose.” 

Remus almost fell off the bed, and Sirius chuckled at the exaggerated response. 

_“Splinching?”_

“Well, I don’t recall my mum gouging out my shoulder, so it must've happened _after_ I apparated. Speaking of, it feels surprisingly decent,” he paused. Sirius noticed the worn material of the shirt as he pulled down the sleeve and realized that Remus must have given him one of his. He smiled gently before examining his shoulder. “It looks pretty good—I can barely see any scarring. What’d you do?”

Remus purposely looked away and dodged the question, shaking his head as he spoke again. “So you just...apparated here? Sirius, we haven’t even fully learned that yet.”

Sirius shrugged, wincing as he did so. “I needed to get out fast, and I figured it would work better than trying to summon the Knight Bus. Anyway, you’re one to talk—you _obviously_ used magic on my shoulder and you don’t turn 17 until March!”

Remus stared as his friend in shock. “Yes, but it’s likely that won’t even register with the Ministry since dad does all of his research here. _You_ , on the other hand—” Remus blew out shakily through his nose before finishing, anxiety and frustration rising in tandem as he ground out the words. “Sirius, you could’ve killed yourself!”

The dark-haired boy flinched at the tone, then adopted a stoic expression. “I’d say my mother got more of a headstart on that one than I did.”

“You still haven’t explained what happened, Pads,” Remus offered as he deflated. Moving towards his friend, Remus was surprised to see Sirius tense at his approach.

Sirius sighed. “You know I’m practically the cautionary tale of pureblooded society right now, right?”

Remus looked at him quizzically.

“I’m held out as a bastion of what _not_ to do with your children, so as to make the other families scared enough of what _could_ be that they double down on their teachings and discipline with their own children.

“I’ve known it was happening for a while now, but I’m not usually actively involved in the process. Usually, it’s some sort of _“I heard from so-and-so that she heard from so-and-so that he heard_ ” situation. Somehow a distant relative discovers that I’ve “strayed from the morally good and sound path” of blood superiority and the next time I see them, my 3rd cousins are significantly colder to me than I remember.” He sighed deeply. “Anyway, last night was different.” 

Remus interrupted him there. “Wait a minute, last night? But I thou—” Sirius cut him off to continue. 

“My first cousins were there—you remember Bellatrix and Narcissa? They’re both engaged now, to pompous gits—both of whom were also in attendance, as were their families. 

“Anyhow, we were meant to be celebrating their impending nuptials, and my mother kept on spouting not-so-subtle hints that _this_ is what happens when a child does right by pureblooded culture, and she kept throwing out _“Gryffindor rubbish”_ and _“mudblood scum”_ and saying that I must really be suffering in my house at school among such “ _awful ingrates”_ until I couldn’t stand it.” 

Sirius paused to take a shaky breath, seemingly realizing how much frustration he’d poured into this retelling.

“So I told her that I was actually doing damn _well_ in Gryffindor house and that I considered it my proudest achievement to have been sorted there.” 

“ _Jesus_ , Sirius, why would you do that?”

“I couldn’t just sit there silent and let her spew that bigoted nonsense, could I? My aunt and uncle already kicked Andromeda out of the family for getting with that Tonks bloke, I don’t see them needing any further reassurance that anyone who isn’t married to the idea of blood purity is a lowlife. Anyhow, everyone else seemed to expect the outburst, but I think Narcissa was surprised to hear it, so maybe it was worthwhile." 

Remus looked at his friend with an inscrutable expression. “Your mother wasn’t pleased, I take it."

A laugh escaped from Sirius’ throat before he doubled over in pain and held his side for a moment. 

“Not pleased would be the understatement of the decade, I think. She immediately sent for Kreacher to escort me to the basement and had him guard the doorway to make sure I couldn’t escape.”

Remus stiffened at the edge of his bed. He knew full well how captivity could affect a person, and focused on his friend’s face to watch his reactions. Sirius was fidgeting with the edge of the blanket now, looking pointedly away from Remus as he relayed the next part of his story in a clinical, detached voice. 

“Our basement is...unsavory, to say the least. There’s no place to sit comfortably or sleep, and it’s always frigid, and I was wearing thin dress robes from the dinner, so I curled up against a wall and hoped that she’d just come to get me the next afternoon. That’s a relatively normal punishment from her when I’ve acted out, so I assumed I would just need to grit my teeth and bear it.”

“ _Relatively normal punishment,_ ” Remus whispered under his breath, shaking his head, but he motioned for Sirius to continue. 

“I was wrong. She came down what felt like hours later, in her dueling attire. I had my wand initially but...I hadn’t expected a duel, and she got it off me pretty quickly. I remember bits and pieces from that point on—there were a lot of,” Sirius shuddered before mumbling the next words, “There were a lot of unforgivables thrown around. That’s what happened here.”

He lifted a hand tremulously towards his face, letting it fall halfway through the motion. “It was easier to mentally coerce me into punishing myself than it was for her to do it herself, apparently. But she got her own digs in when she actually started talking to me.

“I remember choking as I stood up, and her asking me to give her valid reasons for why I couldn’t just be like all of my cousins. I tried to appease her initially because I knew I, erm, wasn’t in a good way, but eventually the “because I’m a disrespectful, traitorous, pathetic excuse of a son” platitudes that I offered didn’t carry much weight with her anymore.

“She was a bit more vicious after that. Before, she’d just been using cutting spells, but she moved into more illegal ones once my answers lost their appeal. She carried on for the better part of today until I convinced Kreacher to leave his post and apparated here.”

Remus paled. “So,” he started tentatively, “just to get this straight. This—” Remus nodded his head at Sirius, “Is all because you told your family that Gryffindor wasn’t a half-bad place to be?”

Sirius smirked, although only momentarily, as the action seemed to cause him pain. 

“Well...that, yes. And that I’m gay.”

Remus almost choked when his friend made that declaration. He looked into Sirius’ eyes, and amidst the pride and defiance found apprehension reflected there. _Sirius was nervous that he wouldn’t accept him._ For a moment, Remus toyed with telling his friend that he understood—but no, this wasn’t the time. He looked away as a flush crept onto his cheeks; the memory of the healing spell which only worked when the involved parties were _bound by love_ suddenly coming to mind. 

“How did—where did that come from?” Remus settled on a response, hoping Sirius wouldn’t read into it the wrong way. 

The older boy sighed. 

“After she’d exhausted the topic of my cousins and how I’d humiliated her in front of the Malfoys and the Lestranges, she brought up Reg. I just...I didn’t know what to say when she asked why I couldn’t be more like him and settle down with a nice girl from Slytherin—as if _that_ would fix my reputation—and I snapped back at her and it just...came out.”

Sirius was looking at him again, Remus could feel it. 

“I can’t imagine that’s how you wanted any of that to go, Sirius. God, I can’t imagine—” he paused to pinch his eyes and grimace. “None of this is normal, you know that right?” Remus turned to face his friend and reached out to hold his hand, but Sirius pulled away suddenly. He didn’t look convinced by Remus’ consolation either, and Remus turned away from him again. 

“See, you _say_ that, but...I’m just not sure. I mean, it doesn’t sound like James’ parents are like that, but how would I _know_ ? I could never ask—he’d be so _disappointed_ in me.”

Remus spun back around to look at Sirius, who had managed to make himself look more child than adult in Remus’ bed. His knees were up to his chin, his arms wrapped around them, and he was trembling gently as Remus made eye contact and moved closer to his friend. 

“Oh _hell_ , Sirius. James wouldn’t be disappointed in you if you’d single-handedly cost him his shot at being with Lily. You’re practically brothers.”

“But he’s a pureblood, and he—” Sirius choked back a sob before continuing. “He’s a pureblood too and he isn’t like _this_.”

At this, Sirius began crying properly, curling in on himself and drawing into the corner of the bed. 

Remus wasn’t entirely sure what to do, and for a moment the thought that Sirius shouldn’t have come to him crossed his mind. It quickly left as he noticed Sirius was breathing in frantic pants. Sirius was his best friend, and he needed to help.

Sirius flinched as Remus carefully edged carefully towards him. A hand appeared near his face, and instinctively the dark-haired boy scrambled backward, hitting the bedpost and biting back a yelp. 

Remus backed up a bit, raising both hands in a sign of surrender. “Sirius, it’s me—it’s Moony. I’m just here to help. Can you let me do that?”

Sirius shuddered as Remus laid a hand on his shoulder, but raised his face to meet his friend’s before offering up a shaky breath. 

“What’s wrong with me, Rem?” he whispered, before collapsing onto Remus’ chest. The tawny-haired boy froze for a moment, before wrapping his arms around Sirius’ shaking form and holding fast. 

“Sirius, there’s nothing wrong with you. Your family is...well, shit, Pads, they’re fucked up. But you—you’re funny and kind and hard-working and caring and,” Remus paused, before bringing his head down towards Sirius’ ear. He’d stopped quivering, but he was still tense. 

“You’re effervescent, Sirius. In a way they’ll never be. You’re different than they are, in the best of ways. You’re brilliant. You’re something that they’ll never be _precisely_ because you’re different. There’s nothing wrong with you for reacting like this.”

Sirius looked up at Remus with teary eyes. “But Rem, this isn’t—this can’t—how is this right? Or normal?”

Remus pulled his friend closer. “It’s not, Pads. It’s not. But you’ve got me, and James, and Peter, and we aren’t going to let you go this alone, you know that, right?”

Sirius pulled away from Remus with a yawn, “Yeah, that’s what you all tell me.” He winced again as he moved, and Remus offered up his shoulder as support. The older boy hesitated, warily looking at his friend before deciding to lean more comfortably against Remus’ sweater-clad form. 

“Thanks, Moony,” he mumbled into the wool, and Remus could tell that the emotional exertion was finally catching up and exhausting him. 

Remus looked down gently, moving his arm slowly to capture Sirius in a hug. “For what, Pads? You—all of you—have done far more for me than I could ever repay.”

Sirius shifted his head a bit to aim his drowsy eyes at Remus’. “Because we _love_ you, Rem. We weren’t about to leave our friend to suffer every month.” A surprising amount of indignation was present in that statement, and Remus chuckled. 

“And why do you think you’re here right now? It’s not because I needed a late night snack from the kitchens, I’ll tell you that much,” a gentle vibration against his side let him know that Sirius appreciated the remark. “I love you too, Sirius. We all do. You’re allowed to come to us about stuff like this, you know that? Hell, it’s not easy, I know that, but you’re allowed to—and we _want_ you to. You’re our friend and we care about you...But we can’t care about you properly if we don’t know what’s going on.”

Sirius lifted his head again, this time not even bothering to open his eyes. “When d’you gesso wise, M’ny?”

Remus laughed again. “I don’t know, probably somewhere between _‘let’s blow up all of the toilets in the dungeons’_ and _‘we’re making a map of Hogwarts,’_ I’d reckon.” He looked down, and noticed that Sirius’ breathing had evened out some. He was still tense, and Remus wondered now how he had ever missed these signs at school, but decided not to linger on that thought. _No point in dwelling in the past, you’re here with him now, aren’t you?_

Remus turned off the lamp next to the bed, maneuvered himself under the blankets, and suddenly found himself confronted with the same positioning that he and Sirius had shared a hundred times at school. But things were different now, weren’t they? Remus knew, he _understood_ where the nightmares came from now. And his heart broke a little seeing Sirius’ muscles remain taut even as he lay against Remus’ side. 

Guiding them down to a more comfortable sleeping position, Remus examined his friend for what must have been the tenth time since his arrival. He hadn’t been lying before, Sirius was...radiant. Knowing more about his family, Remus was shocked that the boy had come out as normal as he had, let alone as kind-hearted and loyal as he was. Sirius was like a flower that, against all odds, had grown in the middle of a desert. 

He was fucking brilliant. 

Every day they spent together felt like Remus was watching Haley’s comet pass by. Sirius was Rare. Burning. Intense. Luminary. Beautiful. And, as if suddenly remembering his friend’s admission from before, Remus realized that maybe Sirius wasn’t as unattainable as he’d thought. 

He shifted himself a bit and leaned in, until his forehead touched Sirius’. 

“I know you’re asleep, but I need you to know...I love you, Pads. I love you so much that sometimes I need to leave the room when you’re in it because you distract me, or that I’ll find myself wandering aimlessly during rounds hoping I’ll run into you. I love you so much that I was able to use a healing spell that's only supposed to work between two people bound by love.”

Remus paused and took a quiet breath, focusing on Sirius’ heartbeat, which was still too fast for him to be fully unconscious. 

“Sirius, I love you so much that it physically hurt me to hear you tonight. You don’t deserve that, you never did, you never will. And I’m sorry that no one’s told you as much because they _should_ have. You’re amazing, Pads. Absolutely amazing. And I’m utterly enamored with you. Have been since the third year, I think.

“So no, James and Peter and I can’t help that your mother is insane and that your family thinks abuse is normal, but we _can_ make sure that you’re safe. And loved, damn it, because you should’ve experienced that long before you ended up in a dorm with the three of us. But I _love_ you, Sirius, and I swear to you that I won’t let this happen again.”

Sirius moved closer to Remus then, reaching an arm around the taller boy and snuggling in. His heartbeat was steady again, Remus noticed as he breathed in deeply and began to relax. A sleep-laden murmur came from his chest. 

“Love you Rem. Love you loads.”

Remus smiled lazily, before closing his eyes.

“Loving you is the easiest thing for me to do, Sirius. Loving you is easy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Part 4/4 of wolfstar challenge responses. 
> 
> Written for the prompt: "How does Character A handle trauma?"
> 
> I swear I didn't *mean* to make Sirius so upset...But here we are. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


End file.
